This morning, after breakfast I put a loaf of sourdough sandwich bread into the oven to bake. Standing by the oven to get warm, I gazed out the kitchen window. The view of the mountain range is even deeper red today than yesterday. Often, when I bake I love music in the background. Depending on my mood, it could range from classical, to country, to best of the 70's. A few days ago I read that the British singer/balladeer Roger Whittaker had passed away. I asked the Alexa to play top hits of Roger Whittaker; commanding it to skip through a few songs until it landed on one I recognized. "If Ever I Would Leave You", from the musical Camelot. Terrific. All the tears. One of my parent's favorite. Both the play and the song. The lyrics are poignant to a couple that loved hard and often fought hard; but fought even harder for their love.
"Somebody posted that they have a Golden Retriever puppy for free on Facebook." Dave glances over at me for my reaction. I reply, "We don't have room for one more thing in this cabin....and also, Retrievers don't live long; only an average of eight years or so I think." He grins at me, "For someone that believes in God and the after-life, you spend an awful lot of time thinking about death."
He's not wrong. I've felt rather melancholy the past couple of weeks. The weather has had a major shift, and while we are surrounded by unspeakable beauty on the mountain and the nearly hourly foliage color changes, It also is the season my parents loved most. Both of their birthdays and their wedding anniversary fall within the last weeks of September into October. The season of their lives and their love.
The kids and I all have a group chat where we like to let each other know when there might be an amazing sunset or moonrise to rush outside to look at, or maybe share cute pics of the littles, or remind each other of important anniversaries, family dinners, birthdays, and even occasionally complain to each other about the weather or temperature. In Face-timing Bronson , who is on a mission in the Philippines and lives in a perpetual Summer; he and I have determined that we love having all four seasons. I especially like to immerse myself in the season I'm in, all while voicing my complaints about it either not lasting long enough or even lasting too long; and why can't the next season hurry and just get here already.
The other day as Natalie and I stood at the kitchen sink doing dishes, she asked me if I can ever feel my parents nearby. I told her that there are key times that I could swear they are right next to me. More than once while I've been driving alone through the canyon; and yet I feel the presence of my them as passengers. It is the most comforting and peaceful feeling. The other key times have been when I'm in the temple. They both spent a lot of time serving in the temple in their later years. I remember the last time Daddy ever went, he got lost in one of the hallways, asking "Where's my Jill?" His dementia was getting worse and his cancer diagnosis would be soon to follow.
As Dave and I drove down the canyon yesterday to go to the temple, a storm that had been looming all day finally let loose. Lightning, hail and torrential rains followed us most of the way.
We finally arrived and entered through the stained glass lined doors; the quiet of the storm and city was shut behind us. In the dressing room, changing from my Sunday dress into my ordinance clothes, my hands traced over the embroidery that my mother-in-law Pearl had lovingly stitched for me. My mind drifting to the temple dress my own mother had had sewn for me; one that was made from the same pattern as her own. I wore that same dress for over thirty years, until my middle-aged body couldn't fit it anymore. I feel a closeness to both women. I feel family members that have passed from this earth life near me. Truly, heaven on earth.
For today, I don't want to get a dog. Cats can live over twenty years. I know this because the family cat I grew up with was a part of the household before I was born, and I left home before he passed. Kitty Bunch. A real gangster of a Siamese. Our two furry feline friends might become little old ladies with me. They say all dogs go to heaven. I think cats do too.
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